I’ve always thought I was kicking ass with the whole self-love aspect of my life. I eat well, I meditate and I surround myself with the most amazing people and so on. I bet you can hear a but coming…yep, here it comes!!! BUT guess what, I was only scraping the tip of the iceberg! I honestly thought I was acing the self-love chapter of my life, little did I know that I really needed to up my game big style.
Where do I start with this one? Well I’ve always thought of myself as low maintenance kind of gal, in fact I would pride myself on this. But in the last few months I realised that I have been allowing myself to feel total lack in certain areas of my life, especially when it came to material possessions. I thought I was being very spiritual and evolved by not wanting or needing much, but when I dug deeper I realised that I didn’t feel deserving of certain things, like good jeans or expensive bed linen. I would often buy cheap and cheerful, and I never enjoyed them as a result. The realisation absolutely shocked me, so much so that I cried like a baby when the penny dropped.
I felt so guilty that I had deprived myself of so many things over the years. I would say things like “I don’t want anything for my birthday, just a card will do”, and then I would feel sad or disappointed when that’s what I’d get. I repeated this pattern for decades! You see it’s not about the new jeans or birthday presents, it’s about the emotions that they brought up for me. For instance, I would feel so guilty if I bought myself a pair of jeans from River Island (I absolutely LOVE their jeans) because at some level I felt that I didn’t deserved them or to spend that amount of money on myself. Yet, when I didn’t buy the jeans I felt such a feeling of complete lack and of being deprived. It was a catch 22, I felt bad if I got something that I really wanted, but I felt equally as bad if I didn’t.
Now as you know I use quite a lot of mindset work with my clients, and I also apply these principles to my life too. Self development is a journey, you peel away layers of old beliefs and behavioural patterns that are no longer serving you, kind of like peeling an onion. The inner layers can’t be removed without peeling away the outer layers, hence my lightbulb moment at the age of 45. I just wasn’t ready to learn the lesson any sooner!
So how on earth had I developed this way of thinking and living? You see I had been brought up in a lack mentality, and this is NOT a negative reflection on my parents, it was just the circumstances that they were in. They too were brought up in a lack environment, and so they carried the pattern forward just like I had. As I got older I put my own meaning on my behaviour, for me being low maintenance meant being more likeable to others. Really what I was doing was searching for love and approval from the outside instead of simply loving and approving of myself from the inside.
So this is what I’ve learned in the last few months, I don’t NEED stuff to feel loved or to feel good, those feelings come from within…I totally get that!! But, what I have realised is that it’s a total act of self-love to allow myself the beautiful clothes, expensive skin care products or lush bed linen that bring me joy, it’s good for my soul. Now I really enjoy a bit of material sparkle in my life, guilt free of course. I love my Paul Costello tea cups, they’re just so damn pretty, and I LOVE sipping my tea from them! I’m not attached to them though, and if I couldn’t have them, sure I’d be a little disappointed but it’s not what sustains me. Today I encourage you to invite self-love into all areas of your life, if one area is lacking work on it, it’s totally worth it. Now I’m off to have a cuppa from my beautiful tea cup.
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