A few weeks ago my friend phoned me to tell me her husband just had an operation. It wasn’t a major op, and the good news is that he’s well on the mend. Anywho, our conversation inspired this blog and I felt a strong urge to share it with you all.

So, my friends husband had his op and was returned to his room, his blood pressure was extremely low, he was as weak as a kitten, and was basically in a heap on the bed. Seeing her husband lying there in such a lifeless and helpless state caused her to get quite upset, a completely normal reaction, but she felt she was over reacting and left the room to pull herself together. I kept my big gob shut as I didn’t want to upset her further, but inside I was screaming “just allow yourself to feel the emotions for f**k sake”. I waited a week or two before telling her that her need to be strong had really stirred up some major annoyance in me. Just to be clear I wasn’t annoyed with her, I was annoyed that as a society we are so programmed to keep a stiff upper lip, push our emotions down and plough through it. If I’ve heard the words “plough through it” once in the last year, I’ve heard it a thousand time. Plough through it my hole! Ok, now I’m even getting angry writing this blog, grrrrr. Deep breath, and relax!

The reason I got so annoyed is because years of self development has taught me our emotions are super important indicators of how life is working out for us. Most people are desperate to feel positive emotions all the time, and don’t realise that negative emotions teach us very valuable life lessons. In the case of my friend, her reaction could have had many lessons. Maybe the thoughts of losing her husband made her realise that she doesn’t appreciate him as much as she could. Or maybe she was reminded of her own mortality, and that life is short and she isn’t living her life to it’s fullest. What ever her lesson was only she will know, and by pushing down the emotion she was shutting herself off from learning the lesson.

Negative emotions can feel really uncomfortable at times, we can sometimes feel like caged animals and just want to feel free of our shitty feelings. We often try to numb it with food, alcohol, cigarettes etc, or distract ourselves rather than actually feel it. Let me share a secret with you, allowing yourself to feel a negative emotion won’t kill you, granted it’s not a trip to Disneyland, but at the end of the day it’s just an emotion. I wish I understood this years ago, when I was looping around in a depressed/high anxiety state. I had no knowledge of what I’m sharing with you in this blog. Now a days it’s different, I get it, I’m going to feel like shit some days because that’s human nature. If we felt fabulous 24/7 we would never grow and evolve as human beings. It’s what we do with those emotions is what counts.

Part of the process I use with my clients is showing them how to sit with the feeling and identify it (sad, angry, frustrated, unhappy), I encourage them not to spend too much time trying to work out the “why’s” or placing blame, instead we look for the lessons. Often relief comes with the realisation of the lesson alone. This process works really well with mild to moderate emotional conflict, and you can do it yourself, it just means that you have to become aware of what’s going on rather than sweeping it under the carpet. People that are dealing with more severe emotional conflict can often feel far too overwhelmed to attempt to go lesson hunting. That’s where my Life Sucks consultations come in, I basically hold your hand through the hunting process. When I was in that depressed/high anxiety state I could barely get out of bed, let alone delve into my emotions. Luckily I reached out and asked for help, this allowed me relief so that I could start changing my life for the better.

Lesson hunting overview

If you feel like crap, this is your subconscious mind saying “pay attention, somethings up”. Next step, dig deeper and identify the emotion. Now look at the situation at hand or at different areas of your life, is there a particular area of your life that’s connected to this emotion. Remember if you push the emotion down the lesson is lost.

If you feeling good, your subconscious mind saying “you’re on the right path girlfriend, sit back, relax and enjoy the ride”.

Use your negative emotions as a GPS to a happier life. If things don’t feel good, work out why, and make changes that will promote better feelings.

Examples of lessons:

  • You feel unhappy in your job = could it be that your are bored because you’re not feeling challenged anymore? You could look for a new position that challenges you, you don’t necessarily have to leave your job just maybe look for a transfer or apply for a promotion.
  • You regularly feel drained after meeting a particular friend = maybe spend less time around this person, or avoid conversations where they’re venting their problems to you.
  • You’re feeling worn out and neglected = stop putting everyone else first and focus on you for a while.
  • My life feels blah = do you need to try new hobbies? Travel more? Inject a bit of excitement into your life.

Here’s to a happier life xxx

Enter your details below for FREE Videos to Start Your Wellness Journey today!