You may have noticed that I’ve been MIA over the last few months, I did make a couple attempts at a comeback but my heart just wasn’t in it. The last six months have been total pants (shite) for me on a personal level. Let me fill you in! As you know just after Christmas my dad passed away, I found that I coped very well with this because I have quite a different view on death to most. But, what happened next however brought me to my knees, and even though I’m in a much better head/heart space now, I’m still not the better of it.
Since 2014 I had been planning to move to Melbourne with the love of my life (obviously my ex now). I was beyond exited, I had always wanted to live in Oz and now was my time. My then partner had moved over in Feb ’15 to get a job and sponsorship sorted. I found it so hard being apart from him, but we spoke every single day and I knew the sacrifice would be worth it in the long run. I headed out to Melbourne in September last year for a month and I LOVED it, I knew in my heart that this was a really good move for us and that we would create a fantastic life there. Unfortunately in February this year just a couple of weeks before the sponsorship was finalised, that amazing dream came crashing down, along with our six year relationship. To say I was heartbroken is a complete understatement, I will never forget the unbearable emotional pain I experienced, and honestly, it was so intense words can’t even describe it.
So there I was single, heartbroken, my dream of living in Melbourne with the love of my life gone up in smoke, and I could barely drag my ass out of bed in the morning. As you know I’m a huge believer in the “everything happens for a reason” concept, and I always look for the lesson in every challenging event. Now, I’m not known for my patience (it’s a work in progress), so within days of the shit hitting the fan I was going “under the hood” and working out why on earth this had happened to me, and where I needed to bring my attention. Realisations were coming hard and heavy, 1. I was not valuing myself enough, 2. I was not loving myself enough, 3. I was putting my partner’s needs before mine, 4. I had lost myself in the relationship and forgotten who I really was, 5. And this is the absolute doozy, I was riddled in FEAR.
Things were pretty brutal and I thought it couldn’t get any worse, but SURPRISE it did!! My bank balance was dwindling away to nothing, and I hadn’t the interest or energy to work with clients. How could I even attempt to give emotional support to others, when I was a complete emotional basket case myself? Then I got a call from my friend Joe, who’s a chef in a local restaurant, telling me that there was a waitressing job going in the restaurant, and he thought the extra money would come in handy for the move to Melbourne (I obviously hadn’t filled him in on recent events). One of my biggest FEARS in life USED to be what people thought of me, and boy did it resurface with a vengeance!! I had virtually no money coming in and I had to pay my bills, but I was terrified of what people would think of me. Just to be clear, it’s not that I thought the job was beneath me because that’s not how I’m wired, I was simply drowning in fear. What would people say, “isn’t that your one from Wellness Rocks, her business must be gone!”, or “I thought she was some kind of a health coach?”, or “wellness coach my arse!”. The fear of being judged was awful, never the less I went for the interview, and got the job. I’m still there working weekends, and you know what, I fecking LOVE it. And of course once again I was asking for the lesson in the situation, this one was easy “not to give a flying f**k what anyone thinks of me”, lesson learned! (I have so much more to tell you about this job!)
All in all the last six months have been painful beyond belief, yet the most exhilarating in regards to personal growth and development, and I feel such a strong urge to share the lessons I’ve learned with you. You see, so many people go through tough times in their lives, and they’re advised to “get on with it” or “plough through it”, which basically means ignore your feelings, plaster on a smile, and bury it deep. God forbid that you allow yourself to sit in the pain and learn the lesson. I know you’re used to getting emails from me that are packed with recipes and health advise, and you still will, but I really feel the need to take wellness to the next level. If I’ve learned anything in the last six months, it’s that all the healthy eating in the world isn’t worth a crap if your not tuned in to your needs on all levels. Self-love, self-care and self-awareness is key to health and happiness. Over the next few months my intention is to share my insights during this challenging time, in the hope that they may help you to navigate your way through difficult times in your life.
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