I’m smiling to myself as I’m writing this, simply because I, like so many others suffer from this awful affliction. Saying YES when we really mean NO!

Ok, picture it, your friend calls over and asks you if they borrow your brand new, never worn favourite dress/your super duper power washer or would you look after their dog while they’re on holidays. Every fibre of your being is screaming HELL NO, you open your mouth and you say “YES, of course, no problem”. Once it’s out of your mouth you are absolutely furious with yourself and whatever it is you have agreed to, becomes the bane of you life.

“Why oh why do we do this?” For many different reasons I guess…

  1. We don’t want to be judged.
  2. We feel guilty if we say no.
  3. We want to be liked.
  4. We allow ourselves to be manipulated.
  5. We don’t want to be talked about.
  6. We’re afraid people will see the truth, e.g. we can’t afford to eat out etc.

So, how can we say NO and feel good about it?

I’m a semi reformed YES person (I’m almost cured) and I’m going to share with you my top tip for saying NO.

I don’t know about you, but when someone asks me to do something I’d rather not do, my head will go into a bit of a spin, I’m blind-sided and I will blurt out a yes so fast my lips probably won’t even have moved. Why do I say yes?, “I like to be liked”, it’s my Achilles heel.

What I have learned to do now, is stop for a moment, step out of my busy mind and tune into my body. I check in emotionally and ask myself “how does this request FEEL?” If it’s doesn’t feel good I say “NO” nicely.

If I can’t seem to make a decision I simply say “I will get back to you”, that way I’ve bought myself some time and the person knows there might be a NO on the way.

When I first started using this technique I may have paused a little too long when I was tuning in, I’m sure people thought I was a complete lunatic, standing there gazing off into the middle distance as if I were pondering the meaning of life. It really only takes two seconds, so to avoid the strange looks keep this in mind.

It’s also a good idea to work out why you say YES when you actually mean NO. The answer may be in the list above or it could be something completely different, either way knowing this is vital. Having awareness as to why we behave in a certain way allows us to change, grow and evolve into the person we truly want to be.

This is a very empowering tool to learn, so use it often and enjoy.

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